Not everything we call self-care is actually self-care. Some of it is avoidance. Some of it is performance, and some of it is self-abandonment dressed up in better language. I’ve learned that losing yourself doesn’t always happen all at once—it happens slowly, in the ways you silence yourself just to be understood. Nearly 11 years ago, I began my self-love journey. I lost nearly 75 pounds in five and a half months—going from 247 lbs. to 173 lbs. At my heaviest, I felt like a stranger in my...

I was 15 years old when I gave birth to my first son, 17 with my second, and 19 when I gave birth to my third—needless to say, I got a lot wrong. In hindsight, I realized that, like most, I was irresponsible with my body, and my emotional immaturity hid the truth—selfishly, I longed for motherhood because I wanted someone to love, not because I had so much love to give. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t fully grasp what it felt like to love someone deeply, often beyond what I felt for myself,...

Recently, someone close to me battled a health condition. At first, I didn’t grasp its severity until it was too late. I guess that’s why, when my mother faced a similar situation before her death, I took it lightly. In hindsight, I wish I hadn’t. I wish I had been mature enough to handle her differently, but I wasn’t. The Pain of Loss That’s the double-edged dilemma surrounding her death. There are certain lessons I only learned once she passed. I don’t know if there’s a word for the pain...